I don’t know how people did it twenty years ago. We’re so fortunate to live in an era of open information and access to tools for raising a child. Here’s some of my picks for the curious or soon-to-be parent dad.
- The Internet & YouTube: Seriously…people had babies before the Internet? How did they know that their kid had milk tongue, not thrush? How did they figure out how to put on a cloth diaper? How, how??? A an important side note, the geekily inclined can find lots of pregnancy and baby movie torrents.
- The Miracle Blanket. Swaddling is a Very Important Tactic in keeping your sanity at night for many parents. We’re big Karp believers, but trying to keep one of those tiny receiving blankets wrapped up tight on Piper was simply impossible once she was one hour old. Miracle Blankets make you feel like your straightjacketing your kid, but man alive, do they work.
- DIODER lights at IKEA. I’m saddened that I can’t find the link for these at IKEA, because they’re one of the neatest things I’ve bought for baby. It’s a 10 inch long strip of directionally focused LED’s, running on a few AAA batteries, that light up when you open the drawer. They shut off 20 seconds later. Every night when I slog into the nursery to change a diaper at 4 AM, I have no need to turn on the light and ruin our half asleep state. I open the drawer, can see what I need, and move on. Seriously….awesome. DIODER is a line of products, it appears, so beware…you want this one.
- A nice drill. I highly recommend DeWalt gear..it feels great, lasts forever, and the other dads will know you mean business. Why a drill? Trust me, you’re going to start noticing things that need fixed. It’s the male equivalent of nesting. Not to mention all the furniture assembling you’ll be doing. And things you will be attaching to the wall because your wife told you to that’s why. And oh, did you know that battery compartments on kids toys are secured with at least 48 tiny, recessed, Phillips screws? Cause they are. And nothing sucks worse that a shitty drill. This is mine, and I do love it oh so much.
- An exercise ball. These things are great for two reasons…babies love to bounce and your back is going to be screwed. Bouncing is a soother…babies like to be reminded of the womb, and believe it or not, it was pretty bouncy in there. Imagine floating in a pool, tethered to the top, while someone jostles the pool all day. You get the picture. Your back is going to be hurting due to all the dropped binkys, unrestful nights of sleep and baby carrying, not to mention the ten extra pounds you’ll gain. The ball builds core strength, and you’re gonna need it.
- Baby Bjorn carrier. I know she’ll outgrow this quickly, and I’m sure attachment parents everywhere will think less of me for not using some complicated, woven, organic hemp sling. But the fact is, this thing works well for small babies, looks OK on me, and is easy to use. I love it, and she does too.
- Baby Bjorn Baby Sitter. My favorite thing about the Baby Sitter? No batteries. She bounces herself in it a little, but it gets most of it’s motion from my big toe. There are times when I can get her calm in this contraption and actually use two hands for stuff. That is a victory in my book. It also folds quite flat and travels well.
- Mam Paci’s. I don’t know why she likes these, but she does. I like the fact that they have no handle, so I can hold her tight into my chest while she’s sucking.
- iPhone. I can’t say enough about it. I can’t imagine living without it, much less parenting. It’s a portable speaker, packed with Beatles, Jerry and Boards Of Canada for her. It’s the answer to a question in a flash, where ever I am (See “The Internet”, above). It’s the sound of grandma’s voice when she’s far away. It’s entertainment for me when Tori has to nurse at a Macy’s. I timed contractions with it, post photos to Facebook, count wet/dirty diapers, take voice notes when I’m sleep deprived…the list goes on. You should get one free if you have a child. But you don’t, so pony up those three Benjamins.
October 9th, 2009
Well, I’m glad you asked. Tiny Elvis was a recurring sketch on Saturday Night Live in the early 90′s. At one of our first ultrasound appointments, I voiced the tiny fetus…”Hey man, get a load of that uterus…that suckers HUGE” and the rest is Tiny E history.
From the Wikipedias:
Tiny Elvis, also called “Tiny E” by his companions, was a miniature (about 2 inches tall) Elvis Presley, as portrayed by Nicolas Cage (and in later appearances, by Rob Schneider) in a series of sketches. He would frequently remark jokingly upon how “huge” certain objects were (“Look at that salt shaker! That thing’s huge!”), to which everyone around him would laugh and fawn over him (“Good call, Tiny Elvis!”). However, he was easily roused to anger when his compatriots, Sonny and Red (a reference to Presley’s real life bodyguards, Sonny and Red West), would comment on how cute he was. The character was apparently a parody of the ludicrously self-assured persona assumed by Presley in his many movies, and the equally ludicrously sycophantic followers that attended upon him in those films.
I’ve searched high and low on the intertubes for a video, to no avail. But today I realized that before YouTube, we used to look at pictures. And then I found some. Enjoy both Nick and Rob as Tiny E:
As I said, no video (yet!) but here’s a transcript from snltranscripts.jt.org.
Tiny Elvis: Hey, man.. look at that salt shaker, man. That is huge! Man, I’ll never be able to use all that salt, man. That is way too much!
Red: Yeah, that’s a big salt shaker, Elvis!
Tiny Elvis: Sure is huge, man.
Sonny: That’s hilarious, Elvis!
Red: Score another one for the Tiny E!
Sonny: Man, we can’t keep up with you!
Tiny Elvis: Well, I’m just saying it’s a big salt shaker, that’s all.
June 14th, 2009
Onsies/Rompers from Little Hippie. I particularly like these metallic foil bolt rompers:
Beyond nerdy nursery art, kid’s books and “flash cards” from Tiffany Ard. This stuff has to make it to our nursery, and into toddlerhood:
This GD poster fits well with the forest theme we have going, don’t you think?:
April 8th, 2009
I have to laugh at this product, even though I wrote a post about my in utero child listening to the Grateful Dead. I mean, I was having some fun. $150 for a “prenatal educational system”…not so much fun. I don’t mean to deflate the hopes of parents who presume that the equivalent of flash cards in the womb will lead their child to a career in particle physics, but I do feel the need to point out how much stupid crap parents-to-be are pressured into purchasing. I’m all for science applied to parenting, and I know that sooner or later, I’ll fall into this trap and buy a Baby Einstein video or two for Tiny E. But for those of you who have kids, or have one on the way, you’ve felt the pressure from a multi billion dollar industry to beat the Joneses when it comes to taking care of your baby. I know we’ve come a long way in prenatal care and medical science to guide us to having happier, healthier babies, but the fact is we’ve been doing this as a species for quite some time now. We’re capable of raising our kids without much help from an industry that was born only a few decades ago. For god’s sake, we spent a solid portion of yesterday after noon in a store called BUY BUY BABY. After all is said and done, I hope I don’t look back at my parenting career with a twinge of regret for not buying a BabyPlus Prenatal Education System. But I bet Tiny E could really give a damn!
March 21st, 2009
If you know me, you’ve probably noticed that damn near everything I own is covered in stickers. I’m not sure when it happened, because I wasn’t like this in school. When I was spending most of my time traveling to Phish shows I started gathering great stickers, and since I had no car I amassed quite a few. While I have my fair share of political statement stickers, I’m partial to the kind you only see at shows. I know that I am comforted when I see a fellow driver on the road with a subversive little Stealie plastered on a nice new shiny car. Or better yet, on the magazine of a gun worn by a man who has sworn to protect me. I purchased some good ones before the holidays, spurred on by a customer who wanted a Stealie for his daughters car. I found a wealth of old school lot stickers at Purple Moon, and waited for the delivery. And waited. And waited. By the end of the month, I was convince that this was the third act on a series of blunders by the USPS. They had lost a $90 laptop battery and some cellular gear previously, but nothing bothered me as much as the lost stickers. I was obsessive. I was pissed. Then I just forgot about it.
My old landlord swung into town this week to check on his new tenants, and while he was visiting he mentioned that they had recieved some of our mail. I came home from work and there it was. It was like I had sent myself a package from the future…or something. Sorry about the bad blood, USPS. You still suck, but I can’t pin this one on you.
February 26th, 2009
I’ve been anxiously anticipating the development of our baby’s sense of hearing for a while now. For one thing, it’s the only interface that I’ll have for communication to Lil’ E until I meet him(/her). But I’m also excited to be able to play music in utero! I think it’s important to develop a sense of rhythm, groove, and melody as soon as possible. Our baby has ears now, but more specialized hearing organs will be present around week 22. Around that time I plan to present:
Brian Eno – Ambient 1: Music For Airports: I’m sure some of Eno’s subtlety will be lost in transmission, but I think that Music For Airports is the perfect in utero music. It was composed to be played in airports in a time when they were kept silent. Just something to cover the din of people rushing of to catch their flights. The womb is a noisy place, and I’d like to think that this album can help color the day to day swishyness that’s going on in there.
The Grateful Dead – One From The Vault (8/13/75): I really had to think about this one, and I’m stil not sure that this will be it. It has to serve not only as my child’s introduction to the good ol’ Grateful Dead, but perform some basic developmental function as well. Bear’s Choice or Harpur College? I dig the acoustic tip, but too much primal dead and sloppy rhythm. My personal favorite 12/29/77 or the perennial favorite 5/8/77? Pretty, for sure, but at times a little trippy for Lil’ E’s delicate brain. Nope, it has to be one of the damn prettiest shows played. A rare year, indeed, finding the boys incredibly focused. With new research showing babies have a solid sense of the beat as newborns, I have to presume the tight drumming would be appreciated. A nice mix of sharp jamming and fun tunes, just perfect for the hot summer days baby will have in utero.
Motown: I don’t have too many strong opinions on how folks should raise their kids, but I have to say that if you deny your child James Jamerson, you should go to jail. Children need rock solid groovable bass lines to learn and grow.
Yo-Yo- Ma, Edgar Meyer and Mark O’Conner – Appalachian Journey: Picking some American roots music is tough. Bill Monroe type bluegrass is just too fast and dirty. I’d like to find time to play some old South Carolina backwoods banjo music, but I have a feeling Tori will only stand for so much of me putting headphones on her pregnant belly! So I chose one of my favorite suites of music by virtuoso musicians. Guided by the spirit of the Scottish, British and Irish folk music that would become American roots music when it settled into Appalachia, this album really embodies melody for the little one. Since it’s based in folk music rich in simple petatonic scales, it’s like a Dick and Jane reader for melody.
Of course, I know that playing these albums isn’t guaranteed to help develop a musical sense in baby, but it doesn’t hurt to try!
February 9th, 2009
This week marked the beginning of Tori’s second trimester. Last night I was lying in bed with her, reading Ina May’s book and sharing information I was picking up from this most famous of midwives. She stopped me at some point and let me know in no uncertain terms that I needed to shut the hell up. I explained to her that the stack of books on my bedside table was one of the ways I was connecting with the pregnancy right now. She was sweet and understanding. I guess what I was trying to do was see which side of the fence she was on regarding numerous labor decisions to be made. I won’t go into it now, but there are a lot of different ways to go through labor!
The fact is, I’m a baby geek. My interest in Linux, banjos, LOLcats and pirating music has waned as I’m learning about this wild ride we’re on. I can’t help it, I’m a sucker for information. With that in mind, here’s my current snapshot of where she’s at.
- The first trimester sucked. Tired, gaggy, gassy, bloaty, gaggy. Food was never Tori’s friend. She didn’t really ever vomit, but was on the verge of vomiting almost all the time. I will never forget her plate when we ate Christmas dinner in NY. One tablespoon of ten different foods. She almost finished it. Somewhere in there she craved rice for three days straight. The look of wonder and amazement in Target when she discovered their rice section…
- We crossed into the second trimester last week, but her first trimester symptoms have faded for a couple of weeks now. Food may now be consumed without the threat of vomiting. Not only has that threat passed, but food actually tastes good for her! Last weekends trip to the farmers market was productive.
- Peeing has become even more frequent. My wife got up in the middle of the night to pee before the pregnancy, now it’s just ridiculous. The good news, I suppose, is that this means she’s not dehydrated. But it is frustrating for her. It now takes us about 70 minutes to watch LOST without commercials, due to the jog upstairs to pee every fifteen minutes.
- Itchy. This is a common symptom of pregnancy, but the frigid winter spell we’re having isn’t helping. Oatmeal baths and medicated lotion are.
- Yoga continues. She is taking a class she found through CHOICE. It’s nice and easy on her, but she’s already feeling better from it. She’s in love with her instructor and the old building it’s in.
- She’s showing. At least to me. You would be hard pressed to notice it in public, but it’s obvious when she undresses that there is someone growing in her belly. Her uterus is pushing out, and it’s a hard little bump. That’s pretty fucking cool.
- Baby attended it’s first roots music concert. The ears aren’t developed enough to hear yet, but it’s still a pretty big milestone for me.
- We have our birthing class scheduled, as well as an initial chat with CHOICE about their doula programs. It felt good to get those crossed of the list.
I’m forgetting stuff, I know. But the truth is that most of the amazing things that are happening are developmental right now. I suppose the biggest milestone is that the second trimester brings with it an amazingly low chance of miscarriage. This is really going to happen, and we’re both no less amazed and excited than we were when we saw the digital PREGNANT on the pee stick. I’ve noticed that the time really is flying by. This baby is going to be here soon, and we’re enjoying the ride.
February 6th, 2009
Our ultrasound/Obama mashup, via obamicon.me. Not sure which caption is better. It’s fun, you should make one and share…
January 19th, 2009
I was pondering updating the about me page here at I@B, which got me thinking about my first web page. May the FSM bless archive.orgs Wayback Machine! Feast your eyes upon these geocities gems!
January 10, 2002 – Jeditang’s Online Barn Dance and Hillbilly Strip Club
November 12, 2002 - Jeditang’s Online Barn Dance and Hillbilly Strip Club
I do not post these because I’m proud. I did it all for the lulz.
January 7th, 2009
I finally went and bought myself some hosting through dreamhost. That means that you will now find all updates at www.infrequentatbest.com. I’m crossposting this to the old wordpress site, jeditang.wordpress.com. That means that if you see jeditang.wordpress.com in your browsers address bar now, you’ll need to update your bookmarks.
I spent most of my free time today exporting and recreating the old site, which sucked due to the server dreamhost has me on crashed. That being said, I got a sweet deal on two years registration and hosting for under twenty bucks.
installing wordpress was a “one click” affair, and I’m far from through making the site better. I’ll be adding a baby update page soon for those of you who only want baby news without the twitter/facebook noise, so keep checking for updates!
January 6th, 2009
